How anxious women CAN attract secure, devoted partners

This message is especially for the spiritual woman who finds herself needing reassurance from the man she is dating or interested in. You want to know that he likes you, that he is thinking about you, that he is not slowly disappearing. You want consistency in communication. You want to feel emotionally held. And there is nothing wrong with that.

Wanting reassurance in a relationship is not a flaw. Wanting connection, communication, and emotional safety does not make you needy or too much. The issue is not the desire itself. The issue is the place you are asking from.

When reassurance is requested from a place of anxiety, insecurity, and fear of abandonment rather than from a place of self trust and inner stability, it quietly sabotages your relationships. It turns love into something you chase rather than something you receive.

When anxiety is driving the request, the dynamic slowly shifts. You start monitoring his behavior. You wait for texts like they determine your emotional state for the day. You reread messages. You wonder if you said too much or too little. You feel relief when he responds and panic when he does not. And no matter how much reassurance he gives, it never quite feels like enough.

I see you. You are not unconscious. You have done inner work. You might journal, pray, manifest, or go to therapy. You understand your attachment style. You are aware of your patterns. But despite all of that awareness, the moment you become emotionally invested in a man, your mind becomes consumed by him.

You check his Instagram stories repeatedly. You wonder why he has not watched yours yet. You check your phone first thing in the morning and last thing at night. If you are spiritually inclined, you may even pull tarot cards, book psychic readings, or look for signs from the universe about where this connection is going. And deep down, you already know that this obsession is slowly draining the attraction between you.

Because the truth is, attraction needs space to breathe. When someone has constant access to you emotionally, mentally, and energetically, there is no room left for desire to grow. Curiosity fades. Polarity weakens. And instead of feeling drawn toward you, he begins to feel pressured, even if he cannot articulate why.

You know this, which is why you may have tried to swing to the other extreme. You tell yourself to be high value. You suppress your needs. You try not to text first. You hold back your emotions. You stay quiet even when you want to ask for more consistency. You try to be unbothered.

But that does not work either.

Because the anxious part of you does not disappear just because you silence it. It stays active beneath the surface. Your body still feels unsettled. Your mind still spirals. You still crave reassurance, even if you pretend you do not. Suppression does not create security. It only creates inner tension.

This is where the real shift needs to happen.

The problem is not that you want reassurance from a man. The problem is that you are trying to source that reassurance from him before you have learned how to receive it within yourself and from the divine first.

I share this as someone who lived this pattern for years. Before meeting my husband, I waited. I hoped. I overgave. I stayed in situations where I was asking men to choose me, to change, to finally see my worth. I needed constant reassurance because I had not yet learned how to feel safe in love internally.

The women I work with experience the same shift when their love lives change. They go from obsessing over men who never fully show up to attracting partners who are consistent, emotionally available, and committed. And the shift is always internal before it is external.

The first step is not trying to get rid of your anxiety. It is learning how to stop running from it.

That anxious part of you is not the enemy. She is the younger part of you that learned early on that love could disappear. She learned that connection was not guaranteed. When you try to bypass her, fix her, or silence her, she only becomes louder.

When you make a man responsible for soothing her, the dynamic becomes unbalanced. You begin asking him to regulate your nervous system. And no partner, no matter how loving, can permanently fill that role.

This is why reassurance from him feels temporary. It fills the void for a moment, but the emptiness returns quickly. You need another text. Another check in. Another confirmation that he is still there. The void feels endless, like a black hole that can never be satisfied.

That void was never meant to be filled by a man.

It is the place within you that longs for divine connection. It is the place that needs to be met by something eternal, stable, and unchanging. God. Source. The divine. Whatever language resonates with you.

That love is not outside of you. It is within you. And it can only be accessed when you stop trying to escape discomfort and instead learn how to be with yourself in it.

Every time you feel the urge to reach for reassurance from a man, it is an invitation to pause and turn inward. To sit with the sensation. To let the divine meet you there. To remind yourself that you are held, safe, and whole even before anyone else responds.

This is where your power has always been.

Your relationships with men are a reflection of your relationship with the divine within you. When you are internally met, you stop grasping. When you are internally secure, you stop begging. When you are internally connected, you can own your desires without fear.

Then something shifts.

You no longer ask for reassurance from a place of anxiety. You state your desires from a place of clarity. You say what you want in a relationship. Consistent communication. Emotional presence. Reliability. You let the man show you whether he can meet you there.

And the right man is happy to do so.

Because you are no longer chasing reassurance. You are choosing alignment.

When you go first by meeting yourself and the divine within you, life responds. Love responds. Men respond.

And if you desire deeper support in making this shift and experiencing real change in your love life, this is exactly what my one on one coaching is designed for. You can book a free personalized consultation through the link here to explore what this work looks like for you and to uncover the specific shift that is ready to transform your love life.

You were never meant to beg for reassurance. You were meant to receive love from a place of power.